the darker the night, the brighter the stars

i used a nail-clipper this time, i cut off two bits of my skin... i could see the white underneath, and how the blood crept into the cut, dyeing it red. it was ugly, it peeled, scabbed, browned, but yet didn't leave a scar.. it was probably the most disappointing part.

when i did it in the past it scarred nicely, even if i didn't clip off the skin entirely. i wish i had a razor blade or box-cutter... something better.

This is real life, holy fucking shit.
I remember this as some sort of song/album title, but I cannot relate to it more than now. Everyday I wake up with the same emotions: fear, worry, anxiety, dread, sadness, regret, guilt, shame, and all with the mixture of my terrible daily life. It's some kind of poisonous cocktail of horror I counsume every morning without a choice. The words to describe this painful ritual would be exactly those words; "this is real life, holy fucking shit." This is a nightmare I can't wake up from, and one where I'm too afraid of closing my eyes.